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Akanksha |
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Evelyn |
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Pinkie |
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Rebecca |
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Tina |
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What Nepal has given me…
Tina
1. A wonderful dream
Getting off the plane, walking on the smooth and shiny floor in the airport, seeing loads of spotless and flashy shops, I was finally back to the dazzling city of Hong Kong. I felt as if I came back to the real world from a long dream. In an instance, my life was again occupied by study, social clubs, social media and daily trivia. I wondered, ‘what are the kids doing now?’ I knew they were again running and hopping on the path to their school in the mountain, playing the game of ‘Don’t Move’. Laughter and chuckles even drew the attention of the grazing goats and strolling cocks.
2. I can express yourself in a sincere and open manner
The few days in the mountain was my most carefree and happiest time I had experienced after childhood. Forgetting all anxiety and worries, I became so sincere and open that I had never been.
I am not good at concentrating on things, and loads of thoughts often distract my focus. The most memorable event is the yoga practice on the first day. Following the step-by-step guidance by Pink, we emptied our always-running mind and pay our attention only to the present experience. At that moment, I thought it was almost impossible. What I could feel was only endless and restless noises in my mind. I had never been able to be engrossed in the task close at hand, without omnipresent worries eating at me.
During the last few days without social networks or processed food, I finally experienced some changes. Leaving your phone means ridding all your burden. Your mind isn’t occupied by other people’s business anymore, and you don’t have to care about how other people “show off their fancy life”. Children’s faces have taught me the appropriate attitude toward life. They appreciate everything before them and anything can make them happy. Whatever you do, be it calling their name, saying a not-quite-standard Nepali phrase, or drawing a little man, they laugh as if you have done something incredible. They genuinely loved the wall painting we did. Standing in front of our work, they remarked sincerely, “I like it! Very beautiful.” Influenced by them, even I became sincere and happy. I had never lived with such focus – playing with children with focus, painting on walls with focus, eating with focus, talking with people with focus. Especially when I was with the children, everything in the world apart from us would disappear; All that still existed were ‘I’, and the one or a few adorable, innocent, or shy kids in front of me.
In this moment, I only exist in this particular time-space. If I always spend only 60% of my energy to live my life, and spend the rest of it to worry about some intangible matters, isn’t the meaning of my life diluted?
Another evidence of me becoming sincere is that I have become more willing to share my thoughts and feelings with others. In the beginning, as a sensitive and pensive person, I always looked restrained and passive, not willing to express myself, and finally I became “the quietest person”.
On the “feed-forward” sheet, almost everyone wrote I should speak out more, and wished I could share my story. In fact, this is perhaps a cultural difference. In the culture of mainland China, the norm I experience is modesty and prudence, whereas the default attitude in Hong Kong is passion and relaxedness.
Hongkongers don’t overthink when they talk. They don’t worry about other people’s reactions or over-read into things. Yet they won’t judge others out of thin air. They just relax and talk. And because of this character, I really like Hongkongers.
Without myself even being aware of it, the journey has transformed my personality. When you focus on the present, there won’t be so many thoughts invading your mind, and you won’t overthink about what others do and say. You can listen to their true intentions whole-heartedly, and express yourself in a sincere and open manner.
3. Exchange of love
Since long ago, I have been thinking about the meaning of volunteering or being a volunteer.
Influenced by my mother, I have a strong sense of social responsibility, and I believe it is my responsibility to help individuals or communities in need. I am willing to give without reservation, as long as I can really give others what they need. Therefore, in the beginning of the journey, I often asked myself, ‘Apart from my monetary income, what else can I bring to the mountain villagers and children?’ I really cared about the outcome.
One night after dinner, I discussed this topic with Miranda. In response to my confusion, she said, ‘As long as everyone can do their best, bring happiness to everyone, and enjoy the process, it is good enough.’
At that moment, I couldn’t quite accept what she said. ‘How can this be good enough?’ I questioned. ‘If it is just a process, if what we do doesn’t have any implications, what is the purpose of volunteering?’
During the last time walking on the mountain tracks, I held tears in my eyes. I knew that after some bustle and hustle, the mountain would return to tranquility because of our departure, and only the rapidly flowing river water would still be declaring the existence of the mountain. I wondered, ‘Will the mountain and its dwellers change, even just slightly, because of us?’
In a sudden, I realized. Love. It was love. What we brought them was love!
Every scene and detail of what we had done flashed into my mind. I had understood what Miranda said. I really didn’t need to calculate how much I gave. Through giving countless helping hands to various people, I gave and received an immense amount of love, no matter how trivial the tasks I did.
I don’t think an insignificant person like me could change the life of even just one child. But I could bring him a few days of happiness during his growth, and perhaps this is already precious and valuable. And for me, in this process, I established more connections with the world. Part of me has been left in Nepal, and Nepal has also become part of me.
The tiny existence of ‘I’ has become more solid in this borderless world.
4. My life is not the same anymore
The national anthem of Nepal is ‘Made of Hundreds of Flowers’. Nepal is the most colorful place I’ve ever seen. The houses are in bright colors like yellow, pink, and green. Brilliant flowers grow all along the roadside, people smile as bright as a sunny sky. I really like the wind there. It isn’t submissive or ferocious, but just vivacious enough. Wind blows through mountains and houses, stirring clouds and caressing flowers, grooming people’s hair and bringing unceasing excitement.
The sunny and joyful dreams have gone by and my usual life has to carry on. I have returned to the routine of going to UST (The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology), turning on my computer, sitting in the library. And again, I am surrounded by the Internet and DDL; and again, anxiety and apprehension arise. But, something has changed for good. I hope I will always remember those colors. No matter how trivial or mundane my life is, I hope I can always pursue love, beauty, and freedom.
(Thanks Hing Sing Yuen, our volunteer, who translated Tina’s testimonial from Chinese to English.) |
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